this is my monster

"Just because I’d stopped starving didn’t mean I didn’t still have an eating disorder. My eating disorder felt the same to me. It took up the same space in my head, and driving around the city to find the perfect comfort foods took up as much time as driving around the city to find the tuna with the lowest sodium content. It was still there. It was the other side of the same coin."

— Unbearable lightness

(source: tumblr) 

Truth is, once you've crossed into its path, you never ever get to walk out of it or turn away from it. That's the truth. You live with it every fucking day of your life. Your mirror evolves into an evil breathing organism and every time you look at your own reflection, your head nods to its putrid whisperings and you honestly wonder, how such an ugly thing like yourself has existed for 20 years. It's not easy. Eating or starving. Recovery or degeneration. It haunts you everyday and everyday is a struggle, a battle with mind and body, down a dark path that seem to disappear at the end of the horizon, only to creep up from behind you again in one complete circle. This is my monster. Inside me it lives. Sometimes it's quiet. Sometimes it's on rampage. But most of the time, it's me. 

- mindscarred