you think you'll never be lonely again

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People don't understand what I truly meant when I tell them "I've given up on relationships." Most of my close friends are attached. I wouldn't say the couples are happily dating but at least, they must feel a deeper kind of satisfaction. Something strong enough to draw them together, to sustain. I gave the idea of 'falling in love' another chance but I was struck with disappointment again. They tell me it was the wrong person. They tell me that the 'right person' will come along. But this cycle tires me and at the end of every disappointment, a little more of me dies. The damage it leaves on me runs deep, the naked eye cannot tell. Relationships now scare me. It requires chance and trust I no longer dare commit. Alone, I am less hurt. Hence I need self-control. I need discipline. I need that kind of grip on myself. Just to know I'm not yet broken. My friends and family will not understand why I have to do this but as long as it keeps me alive, I will do it. 

 I commit myself to change in 8 weeks.