i am deathly afraid that i will fall 'sick' again. despite it being my darkest period of my life,
when i think back now, all i can remember was how much i lost and how good it felt to be so light and small.
i feel that need again. the need to shrink in my skin. the need to shine by becoming insignificant.
i feel the toxic bile surfacing in my throat. disgust. disgust. i want it all to disappear into dust.
cease my existence in order to exist.
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