why seek why desire why love

source

the most beautiful song to me at the moment

No thanks
No more
No love

I'm done
I've had enough

You're going off with her
and I wish I was
but there's another can be
just because

All right
be on your way
the kindest thing to say
is not that you have fallen for me say
you'll come back to my arms again someday

Baby, write
some words about
how you can't shut me out
how you must find a way
to see me one more time

One more time

And please call up all your friends and tell them it can't end
you don't know what you'd do
if you lost her

And lost me too

That's fine
That's good
That's nice

I understand the price
The cost of craving dark
instead of light
I flip a coin to see if you still care tonight

My blood
My hand
My soul

I've thrown them onto you without control
The things I freely give
you stole
And now I'm left in pieces

Baby tell
the world about me
the way you won me over
in a city you can't remember
You think it was September
sweet September

Oh baby
Oh it's all right
I know she needs you more than I do
And I wouldn't win this fight
But there is one thing
that you've gotta do,
you've gotta tell the world about a
girl you once knew
Oh she
wasn't meant to be

but you
fell so very deeply
in love

With me

To all the girls he's loved
To all the girls he's loved

- Rachael Yamagata

( ode to...)

It is the closest to the way I've always felt. Sometimes, people hear me out and I wonder if they thought I was seeking sympathetic response when I tell them I was never the female lead. In all the romantic movies I have starred in, I always knew I was casted in a supporting role. But the fool I was, gave my all each time. Because I believed so deeply and loved them without restraints, without needing the script to direct me so. Somebody asked me recently, if I am looking for a relationship. I didn't quite know how to respond to it. So I said I was holding out for one but without the intention of actively seeking. There is a big difference. I was a romantic once, but I am numb now. I wonder if I had been too influenced by Christal's opinions and her negativity towards love. Sure, she writes about love too and through her writing, she'd appear to be the biggest romantic. But truth is, she doesn't believe in love. When I realise that about her, it scared me. Yet again, maybe all you need in order to write better than you have ever written, is to forsake something as volatile and unpredictable as love. And only when watching it all from the outside, can you see everything clearer than a HD screen. The question to ask, is it worth it?